Arsitek Kaum Lesehan

Terik matahari mulai membakar tengkuk, kami berjalan menyusuri gang yang sempit, beberapa pasang mata melihat kami dengan penuh tanya, beberapa anak kecil berteriak “cina, cina!”

 

Begitulah kira-kira gambaran perjalanan kami ke perumahan kumuh Nyengseret beberapa bulan silam. Program kerja sama dengan universitas ternama di negeri seberang telah memberikan sebuah pengalaman yang kembali menyadarkan saya sebagai mahasiswa yang sebentar lagi akan terjun berhadapan dengan masyarakat.

Selama empat bulan kami membantu mereka merancang rumah susun bagi kampung Nyengseret. Kami berusaha menyampaikan dan menerjemahkan kehidupan rakyat kecil kepada mereka yang hidup di negara maju. Mereka mungkin tidak terpisah jauh secara lokasi, namun cara hidup mereka terasa jauh. Bahkan mereka terheran-heran melihat kami mahasiswa UNPAR duduk di lantai makan bersama.

Empat bulan berkomunikasi, bahkan sempat dua kali “asistensi” dengan pak walikota, beberapa dari kami sempat terbang ke negeri seberang mempresentasikan karya kami di depan para professor, yang menghujani gagasan kami dengan pujian.

Empat bulan berlalu, kami mempresentasikan hasil perancangan kami kepada warga Nyengseret, apa reaksi mereka? Mereka takut, mereka khawatir, mereka marah. Seolah-olah kami datang untuk menggusur mereka.

Rasa bangga seolah hangus menjadi kekecewaan. Untuk apa dipuji professor dan kang emil bila tidak diterima dengan baik oleh masyarakat? Untuk apa mengejar pengakuan dari luar bila kami tidak mendapat sambutan dari orang-orang yang hendak kami bantu?

Berbagai pertanyaan muncul di kepala, mengapa mereka menolak perumahan yang jauh lebih baik? Mengapa mereka takut digusur? Mengapa mereka melihat kami sebagai orang-orang jahat tanpa hati nurani yang ingin mengusir mereka dari “rumah” mereka?

Lalu kami menyadari, mungkin kami yang salah menerjemahkan budaya setempat kepada mahasiswa asing itu. Seolah orang asing yang menawarkan kursi pada kami yang makan di lantai, Mungkin kami, yang tak pernah hidup di lingkungan seperti itu, terlalu lancang menafsirkan apa yang mereka pikirkan.

Makan di atas meja makan tentu lebih nyaman dan higienis, namun hal itu tidak menjadi pemikiran kami, yang kami pikirkan hanyalah berkumpul bersama karena tidak ada meja yang cukup besar untuk menampung kami sekaligus.

Selama ini kami merancang mengkhawatirkan dimensi, pengalaman ruang, dan proporsi. Jelas pemikiran kami begitu berbeda dengan masyarakat, mereka mempertanyakan kemana mereka akan tinggal selama rusun itu dibangun, mempertanyakan kelangsungan hidup, kemana toko kerupuk mereka nanti, kemana mereka menjual bawang bila pasar Astana Anyar direlokasi. Mungkin beberapa dari mereka melihat sendiri cucuran air mata sanak saudara yang telah digusur, kehidupan mereka begitu dekat, begitu takut dengan penggusuran. Lalu kami muncul dengan gambar-gambar indah, empat bulan tanpa komunikasi, jelas kedatangan kami dianggap sebagai kedatangan Belanda yang hendak menjajah mereka.

Merancang rumah susun, merelokasi sebuah komunitas bukanlah suatu hal yang mudah. Dibutuhkan pengertian yang mendalam dan menyeluruh terhadap latar belakang dan budaya masyarakat. Komunikasi merupakan hal yang sangat krusial dalam proses relokasi. Pendekatan yang buruk tidak akan diterima oleh masyarakat. Dibutuhkan pemikiran yang dapat menghasilkan bangunan yang terjangkau, nyaman, dan yang terpenting, yang dapat menjadi sebuah “rumah” bagi masyarakat yang sudah terbiasa di perumahan kumuh.

Dibutuhkan pribadi yang rela “lesehan” bersama dan memahami masyarkat yang hidup di lingkungan kurang layak. Dibutuhkan pribadi yang rindu mendidik mereka dengan kesabaran, dibutuhkan arsitek-arsitek yang lebih memilih pengakuan masyarakat kelas bawah dibanding pengakuan dari bos-bos besar perusahaan. Lalu siapakah yang akan menjadi arsitek bagi mereka bila setiap mahasiswa justru bermimpi ke luar negeri?

What’s Next?

Halo, rasanya sudah cukup lama tak menulis, sekedar mengupdate tentang perjalanan kehidupan beberapa bulan terakhir. rasanya banyak yang harus diceritakan hehe mari kita mulai

So, first thing first. I got a boyfriend. I never thought it will be so soon hehehe, ini baru seumur jagung kok, tapi kami berharap semoga jagung ini bisa bertumbuh dan berbuah menjadi suatu hal yang memuliakan Tuhan, yang memberkati bukan hanya kami, tapi orang-orang lain disekitar kami. gue juga berharap setiap hal yang kami lewati bisa membentuk kami lebih dewasa, setiap ketidakcocokan bisa diselesaikan dengan bijaksana. I know this wouldn’t be easy, but I know it will be a beautiful journey to be lived. Jadi begini ceritanya..

17 Agustus 2016. Baru pulang peresmian posyandu Bhakti Ganva 2016, badan rasanya hangat, agak sakit kepala, dan lagi tidur2an karena terlalu lelah. tiba2 diketok, begitu buka, eh ada makhluk ini muncul, sambil ngasih paperbag, terus gue disuru buka. isinya boneka snoopy hehehe, “pi, mau nggak pii?” gw dengan pusing-pusing lemes cm bs tertawa seperti biasa. terus gw nanya “kalo gamau mesti balikin?” “iya dong, sekalian sama ongkir-ongkirnya” *ini nembak apa nodong sih* jadi gua terima karena lagi ga punya duit saat itu….

Nggak deh bercanda, we talked over and over about this earlier, ya intinya kita udah saling tau dan saling mendoakan selama beberapa bulan terakhir, cuma belum diresmikan dan go public ajalah. dan kebetulan tanggalnya pas 17 agustus, merdeka dari kejombloan katanya.

Ada saatnya gua berpikir kenapa bisa ketemu sama orang ini, dari begitu banyak orang di gereja, bisa dideketin sama orang ini, bisa meleleh denger makhluk ini main gitar sambil nyanyi, bisa senyam-senyum waktu nyanyiin lagu bareng dan tiba-tiba dia ambil suara 2 nya *buka rahasia nih gua* bisa (agak) nurut disuruh padahal saya batu orangnya, dan yang paling gua syukurin adalah melihat kesungguhan dia hidup di dalam Tuhan, sure he’s not perfect, but those imperfections show determination and that is what really counts.

Secondly, I moved to a new place , tempatnya jelas lebih besar dan enak, papa mama ga usah nginep hotel lagi kalo ke bandung, tapi lebih banyak tanggung jawab dan hal yang harus diurus. tempat ini bisa menampung lebih banyak manusia-manusia terlantar yang dikunciin kosan kalau sudah lewat jam malam.

Lalu semester lalu ada penginap tetap di apartment, yang berlanjut menjadi teman magang selama 2 bulan, yang berlanjut menjadi sahabat, tempat curhat, tempat berbagi cerita (dan upil), alarm begadang, teman bolang, pengawas gizi, tempat berbagi mimpi, tempat asistensi, gosip, dan lain-lain.

I’m always thankful for another relationship in my life, but at the same time fearful that I abandoned the former relationship I’ve made. Ya setiap relasi butuh komitmen, setiap komitmen butuh pengorbanan dan fokus. Sayang itu bisa ke banyak orang, tapi komitmen itu terbatas, Jadi, seperti apa yang gua katakan sebelumnya, gatau apa yang ada di depan, tapi gue berharap bs melakukan yang terbaik buat keep in touch dan keep close sampe tua sama teman-teman ini.

Kehidupan pertemanan semester 7 ini agak tercerai-berai, karena udah gaada matkul wajib, udah sedikit mata kuliah yang diambil bareng, lalu temen-temen pada SAA jadi pada sendiri-sendiri juga, masih ada beberapa bulan lagi, SAA life is tough, semoga semuanya lancar sampai akhir semester yaaa.

Hari ini gua nonton deepwater horizon, film tentang bocornya kilang minyak yang terjadi 2010 silam, film ini membuat gua berpikir, kalau gua ada di sana, apa yang akan gua lakukan? what keeps me fighting for my life?

Pertanyaan ini kembali membawa gua kepada pertanyaan dasar, what I really want to do in my life? what are the things that keeps me going? ya kalo mau jawaban alkitabiah nya adalha melakukan panggilan Tuhan. Tapi lebih detailnya lagi, apa yang Tuhan tanamkan di dalam diri ini? Apa talenta dan passion yang Tuhan berikan buat gua? apa kesempatan yang Tuhan bukakan? dalam kehidupan beberapa semester terakhir ini, gw sadar yang betul-betul ingin gua lakukan bukan cuma merancang, atau berarsitektur, iya itu menarik dan seru sih, tapi what really keeps me going adalah saat gua menyemangati teman-teman gua, saat memberi bantuan, saat gua merasa menjadi sesuatu yang berguna bagi orang-orang di sekitar gua, saat gua merasa Tuhan mau memberkati orang lain melalui gua.

I don’t pray for an easy life, I prayed for a useful one.

Tentu gw akan berusaha mengembangkan setiap kemampuan gua semaksimal mungkin, tapi gue gamau diingat jadi orang berprestasi (sebenernya prestasi jg gaada hahaha), gue mau diingat jadi orang yang menolong orang lain. That’s a personal achievement for me 😉

“Architects mostly work for privileged people, people who have money and power, Power and money are invisible, so people hire us to visualize their power and money by making monumental architecture. I love to make monuments, too, but I thought perhaps we can use our experience and knowledge more for the general public, even for those who have lost their houses in natural disasters.” -Shigeru Ban-

Gue sudah pernah menulis tentang hal ini, tapi gua merasa kurang berusaha mewujudkan hal ini, kurang menerjemahkan keinginan gua menjadi perbuatan yang nyata, terlalu sibuk dengan kegiatan-kegiatan sampingan yang kadang tidak kalah pentingnya, namun cukup mengalihkan fokus, mimpi ini terasa semakin jauh dengan realita, gua gatau jalan mana yang akan gua tempuh, pintu mana yang akan terbuka, semoga tulisan ini terus mengingatkan gua hal apa yang ingin gue capai, hal apa yang betul-betul menggerakkan gua, semoga Tuhan memberi ketekunan buat terus berusaha sebaik mungkin, mengusahakan setiap kemampuan, kesempatan, dan kerinduan yang ada dalam diri ini.

Change

The world is always changing, the world is spinning rapidly and change is everywhere around you. It’s like the air is contained with it. Changes are inevitable. sometimes change brings joy, sometimes it brings sorrow.

The most pathetic change is the change you have already predicted from the beginning and you know you have no right to stop that change. The change that makes you happy but at the same time stabs you in the heart. The change that was supposed to happen, and there’s no one you can blame about. The only one you can blame is your vulnerable self. The change that seems invisible but subtly hurt you the most. The change that made you cry over but there’s no one you can tell about, cause everybody seems to be happy with the change and you don’t want to ruin it and make them feel bad.

But I believe every change will bring goodness, every knock hurts, but it also shapes this heart and mind to be a better version of themselves, It may not be visible now, but it eventually will. Because the change happens in the sovereignty of God who loves and cares so much about this unworthy human being

Some New Stuff

Jadi, setelah lebih dari setengah tahun berlalu dan gue belum menyentuh blog ini. Akhirnya sebelum masuk kuliah lagi merasa harus menyempatkan diri menulis. Semester lalu adalah semester yang sibuk (seperti biasa) sibuk himpunan lah, nugas, gereja, sayembara, dll. Bersyukur gue masih bs melewati semester ini hidup-hidup :”, bersyukur juga nilai smt ini lebih baik dari semester kemarin yang sangat mengecewakan. Semester lalu selain diisi banyak tugas, diisi pula dengan hal” yang baru. Setelah ga lolos studio gue jadi berganti jadwal, dan secara gak langsung berganti circle of friends. Berganti topik” pembicaraan, berganti pula pemikiran” gue.

New Friend. Ya not exactly new, Jadi punya teman dekat baru. bukannya dia menggantikan temen” yg udah lama, tapi satu dan lain hal membawa kami jd deket *terpaksa* Tau ga sih gimana rasanya punya temen deket baru? rasanya kayak putus sama temen deket lu yang lama terus jadian lagi (ngmg apasih pdhal jadian aja blm prnah) tapiii kira” begitu lah gambarannya. Intinya kami hampir bersama selama 24/7 udah kayak seven eleven. Studio bareng, kelas bareng, pulang masih chat, abis itu skype begadang ngerjain tugas, kalo ketiduran jg saling bangunin, terus kelas bareng lagi, makan bareng, and the cycle goes on. Bersyukur banget sih gue masih dikasi teman-teman yg asik dan seru setelah kegagalan di SPA kemarin. Seperti habis kena air panas terus dikasi odol. rasanya menyejukkan hati gitu *maaf gomballl hahaha* Gue gatau kenapa bisa deket sama si satu ini mungkin udah dari semester lalu ada beberapa yang sekelas juga, terus ke bali bareng, terus menghadapi masalah” bareng, terus sempet bermalam juga di jakarta maupun di bandung, terus one thing led to another, we become close like perangko. Gue baru sama satu orang ini literally talking all night long. dari ngomongin yang ga penting sampe ngomongin yang serius dan bikin baper. Mungkin karena anak arsi juga sih ya jadi biasa begadang *padahal kl bikin tugas biasanya ketiduran* this is something new buat gue. Yes I have some amazing close friends back in Jakarta, tapi close as in deket dan bener” ada selama gue kuliah di bandung, ya baru 1 kayaknya hahaha. So pardon me when I’m not being a good friend, This is my first time hehe.

Kemarin ini baru nonton “Miss You Already” filmnya mengharukan. Jadi tentang 2 orang sahabat yang super dekat dan salah satunya kena kanker. Film itu menggambarkan persahabatan yang sangat indah, tapi juga realistis. and I really really wish I could have that kind of friend in my life, yang sampe tua. Gue berharap semua pertemanan yang pernah gue miliki gak putus begitu aja ketika terpisah sama waktu dan jarak, gatau sih apa yang ada di depan tapi gue berharap bs melakukan yang terbaik buat keep in touch dan keep close sampe tua sama mereka 🙂

New Responsibilities. Semester lalu nilai gue naik, in fact ini adalah ip tertinggi selama kuliah :” semester lalu target gue adalah naikin ip, semester ini targetnya mempertahankan ip, semoga gue makin bisa mengatur segalanya dengan bijaksana. Semester ini juga gue bakal pindah jadi gak ngekos lagi, pasti lebih ribet ngurusinnya dibanding sekedar ngekos, harus bangun lebih pagi pula, semoga gue kuat melakukan semua hal ini *praying*

New Beginning. Semester lalu juga mengajarkan gue untuk let go of certain things. terkadang apa yang kita pikir baik belum tentu yang terbaik bagi orang lain. Apalagi kalau udah berhubungan sama perasaan orang yang terlalu complicated untuk dijelaskan, terkadang kita aja sulit mengerti apa yg kita sendiri rasakan sama orang lain, apalagi mau menentukan apa yang orang lain rasakan sama kita. Jadi menurut gue itu urusan mereka untuk menetukan apa yang mereka rasain sama kita. Berbuat baik dan memberikan yang terbaik buat orang itu gak salah, tapi hal itu jadi salah saat kita menuntut kebaikan kita dibalas. Dan kalau kita merasa kecewa dan sakit ketika org lain gak bisa membalas hal itu, yaudah stop hurting yourself. ini bukan egois, tapi ini kebijaksanaan dan self respect. Untuk apa membiarkan diri ini terus menderita buat hal-hal yang kurang penting, energi dan waktu buat menahan sakitnya selama ini mungkin bisa dipake buat hal-hal lain yang mendatangkan lebih banyak kebaikan bagi orang lain. kalo kata alkitab sih jangan memberikan mutiara ke babi (?) Tapi sejujurnya ini jauuuuh lebih mudah dikatakan daripada dilakukan. Karena yang namanya perasaan emang ga bisa dipaksain sih

Jadi setelah nonton When Marnie was There gue kembali diingatkan untuk jangan mengeluh soal orang” di sekitar kita karena kadang kita gak sadar bahwa mereka udah susah payah memberikan yang terbaik bagi kita. Intinya belajar lebih bersyukur buat apa yang kita punya. Lalu belajar lebih melihat apa yang kita terima daripada apa yang kita berikan. It’s okay kalau kebaikan dan perasaan gue mungkin gak dibales sama orang lain, gue punya orang-orang di sekitar gue yang selalu sayang sm gue kok *berusahategar* Lalu ya try to open up a bit, jangan menutup diri karena takut sakit hati, tapi harus lebih membuka diri dan berani ambil risiko, ibaratnya asap kalo hatinya ditutup itu kesedihannya ikut terperangkap di dalem, kalo dibuka emang pasti ada resiko disakiti lagi, tapi di saat yang bersamaan kesedihan itu bakal menguap *sokbijak* hehehe

So, here I am, hoping to be ready for new things coming ahead. Semoga beberapa bulan ke depan gue bisa mempelajari hal” yang berharga dan bisa di share disini (God help me). See ya!

To be thankful or not to be..

Last two weeks has been full of unexpected occurrences. It began when the result of SPA came out, I got D. Shocked at first and couldn’t seem to accept the reality. I went back and forth to Bandung, not to change the result, but rather to ensure that I’ve done everything I could to change it. I told myself not to expect too much from the beginning. and yes, the reality is inevitable, the result didn’t change, I still got D, and have to retake that subject all over again.

What I felt during those days were quite complicated. I was disappointed with myself that I didn’t do well this semester, I was a little bit frustrated, I didn’t know what to do, I was afraid thinking how to deal with what I’d face in the future, afraid of losing friends, changing another circle of friends, afraid of that uncertainty in the future. Afraid that the ugly truth will not bring anything good, the disaster will not turned out to be a blessing in disguise, Afraid that this was meant to be some kind of punishment for me. Sometimes when the pressure was too hard I just want to shut my eyes down, hoping to wake up in a different life situation. Sorrowful, depressed, and yet at the same time, I was relieved.

Because this has been a great fear of me since the very beginning of university life. I was so scared even to take a look at it, I was so careful talking to people about it, making sure it hurt no one when I talked about it. i was so guarded, confined in my own fear. And now here I am, at the state of going through the great fear i thought I wouldn’t be able to face.

This writing has been a great help for me to go through these things. I read it several times, and it calmed me down. “It’s okay to be a nobody, if in all you do, you serve Somebody”. Being a perfectionist it was hard for me to accept failure, this sentence, remind me that sometimes it’s okay to fail because in our weakness the strength of God appears, in our failure the greatness of God shines through.

Another insight came to me Last Sunday, Rev. Tong said that we should be thankful in every situation of our lives. We are not worthy of any of His grace yet He has blessed us abundantly during our entire life. And there will be times when He hold His grace from us. it is the time to see whether we want God or just His blessings, it is the time to test our faithfulness toward Him. Rev. Tong also said that when His grace was taken from us we should not get mad or disappointed with Him, instead we should ever thanked God for whatever the grace we’ve received.

I also watched Inside Out, the movie taught me that sometimes sadness takes part in the most beautiful moments we have in our lives. sometimes the worst thing in life brings out the best of us, sometimes an ugly duckling does turn out to be a graceful swan. we just haven’t seen it yet. Life is not about what happened to you, it’s about how you react towards them. Sometimes we’ve got to be kicked out of our comfort zone forcefully in order to experience much more beneficial things for us.

Sometimes we’ve got to get slapped hard to point us toward another direction in order to see things from different perspective.

So I thanked God for these crazy unexpected yet full of fun fortnight I’ve been through. I thanked God He sustained me through every situation of my life, I thanked God He kicked me out of my comfort zone, I thanked God I have this kind of attitude towards what seemed to be such a bad thing. I thanked God for this life full of surprise and blessings.

Midnight Reflection of a Twenty-Year-Old Me

So I used to write a post on my birthday, but this year I was quite overwhelmed by some stuffs that need to be done. I think this is just another reflection and thought about the past year for me. Earlier today I spent my time hanging out with some old friends. We had great time we talked about so many things, not some unimportant gossip about anyone we knew (I admit it is inevitable) but what I love the most was how we talked about life, about future, about our lives, we even talked about religion and politics. How we all grown up to be more mature, wiser, and how we learn to laugh at ourselves. that’s what fascinated me the most. and later tonight I watched a movie called “If I stay” It’s a movie about a girl who got into a car accident and lost her family. while she was in her coma, she saw everyone who loved her stayed there and showed so much affection towards her. and what i learned from this movie was life can get as rough as it wants us to give up and quit, but we can’t quit for the people who loved us, and when we felt that life is no longer worth to be lived, we ought to remember what others have done to us, what they sacrificed for us. Don’t let all of those things turned to vain.

Bible thought us to live in order to fulfil our calling. to fulfil our duty in the world, I always consider calling as something I do to make the world a better place, something big and significant. but today a thought came into my mind reminding me that we are called to lived a life. every second of our lives is a chance to fulfil our calling. it’s not just about your occupation, it’s about who we are. We’re not only called to be an engineer, an architect, a doctor, a designer, or any profession you will have in the future, we are called to be a daughter, a son, a friend, a sister, a brother, a wife, a husband, an aunt, an uncle, a nephew, a niece, a listener, a helpful neighbour, a friendly stranger, someone who do the act of kindness to anyone we can reach, someone who woke up at 3am to help a friend in need, someone who wouldn’t mind showing some road direction to a stranger, someone who prayed for the one he hated so much, someone who apologise first, someone who put himself behind the importance of others, someone who will be happy to do any act of love for his brothers and sisters. We might be called to do a big significant world-changing thing, but we are also called to do these little, seemed-unimportant, not-a-big-deal things in our lives. The thing that might have slipped when we are busy thinking how to change the world.

Another thing I learned is that we shouldn’t let go of what matters to us most. What we have right now might be taken anytime, If you want to show the people you love that you really love them, do it now. do it before the time runs out. because when the time is up, your words will be words, your tears will be tears. no matter how hard you want to show them your affection they will not be able to feel it anymore. so, this past year I just wanna thank God for anything happened, every moment was unbelievable. now that i’m 20, I hope I could be more mature, more careful, closer to God. I wanna be a person who consider my life as a chance to live this life to the fullest, to live the life I’ve been called to live.

Shopping Cart

So every year, when it was nearly my birthday, I have always been afraid of embracing another year of my life. I was afraid of not using my time wisely, afraid of not doing well for the past year, afraid that I have less time to do all the things I wanna do, Afraid of not being obliged to grow up and obliged to do certain things people usually do at certain age, afraid that I cannot do some activities I used to do back then, and many more things, it’s like I was living in hurry, trying to accomplish anything on my bucket list before the sand on the annual clock runs out.

This year I’ll be turning twenty. It is pretty scary to know that my teenage will soon be over. I already have most of the stuffs on my bucket list checked, My friends may feel like I have a pretty awesome teenage life, but the worry never stops. Every time I see a countdown timer towards my birthday, I have a mini heart attack and a voice saying “oh no! My clock is ticking” how should I spend the rest of my limited teenage days? I don’t know. I spent most of the days doing assignments, I barely slept, nor have the time to think about how I should spend these days. I really have no idea about it.

Then one day I realize that I am not running in front of the time, I am moving along with time. I can’t go faster or slower. Time goes on, and so do life. What should I do?

Life is like strolling along a grocery shop, within a shopping cart. A cart that never stops, a cart that constantly moves and you can’t get out of it. This is a cart of time. The cart passes through aisle of chances, this aisle offers different kind of stuffs. You can grab whatever you want on the shelves. Sometimes you have to raise your hand to grab it, sometimes you have to jump, or even climb the other shelves to grab what you think you need in your life.

Sometimes you doubt whether to snatch those chances and put it inside your cart, or just leave it there untouched. Sometimes you have to throw out some unnecessary things in order to make more space for more important things, it all depends on your purpose. The thing you want to create throughout your life. If you want to make some cakes grab some flour then, if you wanna make lemon squash, grab some lemon and some cups. You wanna travel around the world? Look forward to save some money from now. You wanna give free education to poor children? Start volunteering. You wanna hike the everest? Start training.

You don’t even know what you wanna make? Start searching! You breath for a reason, if you don’t know what it is, grab some equipment to discover it. It’s called prayer and the word of God.

I am still looking forward to discover what God wants me to do, but not in a hurry, I’m still trying to use my time wisely and efficiently, to show my responsibility towards what God have given to me, not because the big paranoia of limited time I have before 20.

Now there’s only 2 months left, I do not have big phenomenal jaw-dropping project to be done. But I’m not worried anymore, because I stopped assuming that I was running in front of the time and start embracing the reality that I am moving along steadily on the shopping cart, moved by the everlasting hands of my Father 🙂